In a storm, the waves on the ocean never look exactly the same twice. The path to sail to your destination is constantly changing. Be a resilient captain; keep a sharp eye on the horizon and keep tweaking each little thing that’s in your control as the landscape changes.

Painting the picture.

I’m constantly moving forward, inch by inch; and building myself up, brick by brick. A slow process, most of the time, but as the years go by, little by little becomes a lot. Along the way, I often hope too ardently and guess incorrectly. I look for answers around corners into corridors that swiftly become dead ends. But somehow, some way, I keep evolving. I progress into to the woman I envision myself as, while parting bittersweetly with visions I had for myself that once served me, but no longer do.

This is the reality of growth. So natural a thing to do as biological creatures, yet so abrasively unnerving. It is necessary in order to respond productively to the chaos of life. You must face the fact that once you adapt to one version of reality, the rug is ripped from underneath you. The only answer you can give is to step up and steer the boat. Don’t be a passenger to the changes of life; be a commander. Allow the waves to rock you, but not to capsize you. Control what you can; hint, it’s not the storm. It’s the mast, the sails, and the rudder. Choose a course and sail for it.

I’ll take my own advice and commandingly declare that I’m not hopelessly lost in my own metaphor. While I enjoy using wistful language to color the philosophical thoughts I have about life, I understand that metaphors (while memorable) might not help you when it comes to practically applying these philosophies to your own life in a meaningful way. So, I’ve (regretfully) decided to step back into the literal world and explain those metaphors in more practical terms, examples and all.

Self evaluation.

How can you tell for yourself if you’re staying stagnant/regressing or growing? Well, I think the first indication is to notice if life is happening to you, or if you if you are steering the direction of your life. Some indications of the former include: 1) You haven’t acquired new skills or accomplished any significant goals in many years, 2) most of the decisions you make and actions you take are in reaction to things happening around you, and 3) you don’t have goals that you are consistently putting work in towards every day.

If this doesn’t sound like you, great! You are growing – congratulations. (But don’t stop reading yet; these tips might be a good refresher on some important growth themes, and you can comment on this article with your own take on the subject.) However, if this is hitting a little too close to home, it might be an indication that you’re wasting your great potential as a human being to grow and challenge yourself. Don’t worry, though; this ends today. With some sequential steps, you can find your way back to the path of evolution.

Where do we start?

To get the most out of this next section, I recommend journaling along with it. Jot down some thoughts to the questions in each paragraph.

The first step to growing is determining why you want to grow. What has staying stagnant prevented you from doing? What troubles has it caused you to encounter? You may find that your health is deteriorating, and it’s getting exponentially harder to walk up the stairs. Perhaps you aren’t getting the promotion you expected to get three years ago. Maybe you’re unable to grow deeper connections with friends or open up to a romantic partner. Understanding what growth will do for you is imperative to help you focus your efforts.

Furthermore, what has avoiding growth done for you? If you’ve stayed stagnant for so long, there must be a reason why. Usually, that reason is that it gives you comfort. It allows you to avoid vulnerability and fear. You may have other reasons; do some soul searching, and see how honest you can get with yourself. Collecting these reasons in your conscious mind helps you break the habit of stagnation. If you can start to notice yourself shying away from vulnerability, for example, you can recognize that feeling for what it is and rationalize with yourself.

Next, determine how you want to grow. Do you want to grow in emotional maturity? In physical ability? In competence and wisdom? In practical knowledge? There are endless opportunities, really – go ahead, choose one. Maybe two or three. They’re freeee.

Now, get even more specific. For instance, if you chose physical ability (of course, as a trainer, this is my default example), what do you want to get better at? Do you want more control over your body when moving through your daily life? Do you want to start pushing yourself to see how far you can run? I’ll open up the ultramarathon bandwagon for a few minutes, just for you. Hop aboard. Do you want to build strength to help build your confidence in yourself?

The nitty gritty details.

Okay – now that you’ve gotten specific, and you know what you want and why, you can start putting the pieces together slowly. Emphasis on slowly. I’ll be willing to bet that some of you stagnant folks out there are stagnant not from a lack of wanting to grow, but because you try to change too many things about yourself and your habits at once. Consequently, once you realize it’s unsustainable, you throw the baby out with the bathwater and return to your resting state. We are going to end that mentality, once and for all. Choose ONE action that you’re going to implement in your life from this day forward to help you reach your goals, and do it. Replace a habit that does not serve your life in any form with this new one. Stick with that for a week, or two weeks, etc.

Once you’re successfully doing that thing consistently, start choosing more actions to take consistently and replacing old habits. Again, I said slowly. Go through this process until you’ve filled your life up to a reasonable level with actions that drive outcomes. Do NOT go too far in the other direction – overwhelming yourself with too many things to do is a sure way to stifle consistency.

The magic ingredient.

Ah – finally, the secret sauce. The cherry on top that gives this whole process that extra zing that it needs to work within your dynamic life, where every day feels like a you’re being tossed through a hurricane at sea. It’s a full circle moment for our sailing metaphor.

Even with the best plan and most carefully curated habits, life happens, man. That’s why it’s important to be adaptable above all else. In a storm, the waves on the ocean never look exactly the same twice. The path to sail to your destination is constantly changing. Be a resilient captain; keep a sharp eye on the horizon and keep tweaking each little thing that’s in your control as the landscape changes. Every once in a while, a tsunami might appear and block your path completely. In these tricky instances where you don’t know which direction is forward, use your instincts and still take some kind of action every day.

As for me, I’m constantly making plans and changing them. I schedule my weekly routine into my calendar, and I revamp these weekly templates every so often as my life situations change over time. And when things happen out of the ordinary, throwing off my carefully curated routine, I just adjust my plan for that day or week and move on. I have an understanding of what things are highest priority to me, that I don’t want to sacrifice, and what things in my routine are more expendable (that’s why defining the why at the start of this process is so vital). The important point is, though, that I have a strategy to shift my plans. I still have a way to keep myself accountable to making forward progress as I’m tossed around on my metaphorical sea.

Bon voyage.

I hope that after reading this, you’re ready to embark on a journey of self growth; or, if you’re well on your way on that journey already, that you’re feeling invigorated to implement growth into even more areas of your life.

To sum it up, remember that if you have an ambitious plan for your own self-development, you won’t hit 100% of your targets every day. Some days you may hit 50%. Some days, 75%. Heck, you might even hit 0% every once in a while (but if that’s happening frequently, it might be time to revisit this process). The important thing is that you’re: 1) keeping track of your goals and your progress, 2) constantly evaluating your consistency and how it can be improved, 3) getting back on track quickly when things fall to the wayside, and 4) adjusting your goals as your life situation and desires change. If you keep these four tenants at the forefront of your evolution, you will have a well-rounded strategy to bloom into the absolute best version of yourself.

Until next time… Caio!